Patrick: A Changed Heart Part 3

If you missed the previous sections: Patrick: A Changed Heart Part 1 and Part 2

God Works through Slavery, 404 A.D.

It has been three years since I was captured and brought to Ireland.  I despise this land as much as when I first came.  I yearn to be home every day.  I wonder if anyone is still there.  I long to be with Bretta always; her company is most missed.  My one connection to home is Patricius, with whom I rarely talk or see. Since he is a shepherd, he spends much time away from the Rath in the fields. From the little I have interacted with him, his temperament has changed since our capture. His spirits seem crushed, much like mine.

Despite the endless ache of loneliness, I thank my God every day because He has kept me safe all these years. He has given me the strength, peace, and hope I need each day to survive in this land.  Every new day I wake, I pray that He will give me strength to do the things He has planned for me—and every night I fall asleep trusting that what I did that day was His will for me. Though some days have their struggles following His will, I keep pressing on, obeying him as best I can.

What I have to do every day has been the same the whole time I have been here.  The days are exhausting and monotonous.  I wake long before dawn, prepare for the day and walk to the kitchen.  There I meet Etromma and Ita, the two other cooks.  We prepare the meal for those who work in the fields all day.  This task must be completed before dawn so I may be able to deliver them to the quarters of the slaves who work the grounds.  This is one of the few times I almost feel free. To walk in the outside air and have time to think and pray away from the bustle of the kitchen keeps me focused on God's presence in my daily life. The days I see Patricius when I am delivering the worker's meals, I fervently cry out to God before I see Patricius that I can show him God's love.

While I am delivering the meals to the slaves, Etromma and Ita begin making the morning meal for Miliucc's household.  By the time they are done with it, I am done delivering the slave's food and then begin serving the morning meal to Miliucc's household.

I abhor being inside the house of Miliucc.  He is a member of the heathen Druidic cult and his practices sicken me.  Those who participate in the cult make customary sacrifices and seek the stars for guidance instead of looking to their Creator.  Every time I enter his house I pray for his eyes to be opened to his despicable sins against God.

The midday and evening meals are made and served to the house in the same manner as the morning meal.  The work grows more tiring each day.  Although after three years I have endeavored to befriend many of the servants, I still have no one to whom I can tell my deepest thoughts.  It is then I miss Bretta the most, for I know she would listen to me and care for my troubles.  At these times I cry out to God knowing He hears and cares more than any other one could. He is my only friend in Ireland.

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Today was a wonderful day!  Patricius and several other herders began shearing the sheep yesterday.  It takes several days, but today was the best day of this season.  This morning as I made my rounds delivering meals to the slaves, I met Patricius waiting for me.  I was very confused. While he had treated me with much more respect than when I served Bretta, he still did not make any effort to befriend me since coming to Ireland. But today he was waiting for me with a smile on his face! He told me that God had shown him the error of his ways and that the Lord had turned him from his hard-hearted ways, saved him from his sins, and brought him into God's fold.  He then begged my forgiveness for how he had treated me at home.  I gave him my forgiveness gladly.  We rejoiced together in our new bond of freedom. I was overjoyed to see Bretta's and my prayers answered!  I only wished that Bretta could know.  I had already taken too long on delivering the meals, so I had to run back to the kitchen to continue with my duties.  But all day today, I have been ecstatic, knowing that God does act even when everything seems to go wrong. I cannot wait to talk with Patricius more; it will be wonderful to be able to encourage each other.  But now I must get some sleep.  I cannot stop praising God for what He did in Patricius's life!

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Since Patricius came to recognize Jesus as his Savior it has been nearly two years.  We have been able to share God's word with each other when we see one another.  When he is not with the sheep in the field, we meet either before I start my work in the kitchen or after our day's work is done to sing or encourage each other. Each time Patricius comes in with the sheep he shares with me his new poems and songs. Today he brought this: 

"I arise today

        through the strength of Christ

                    with His Baptism

        through the strength of His Crucifixion

                    with His Burial

        through the strength of His Resurrection

                    with His Ascension

        through the strength of His descent

                    for the Judgment of Doom

Christ to protect me today

        against poison, against burning,

        against drowning, against wounding,

        so that there may come abundance of reward

Christ with me, Christ before me,

Christ behind me, Christ in me,

Christ beneath me, Christ above me,

Christ on my right, Christ on my left

Christ where I lie, Christ where I sit,

Christ where I arise, Christ in the heart

        of every man who thinks of me,

Christ in the mouth

        of every man who speaks of me,

Christ in every eye that sees me,

Christ in every ear that hears me.

I arise today,

        through a mighty strength,

        the invocation of the Trinity,

        through belief in the Threeness,

        through the confession of the Oneness,

        toward the Creator

Salvation is of the Lord.  Salvation is of Christ.

May Thy salvation, O Lord, be ever with us."

As we talked that night, he told me that a week ago, as he slept, he had heard a voice saying to him, "You do well to fast:  soon you will depart for your home country."  And he told me that again last night he heard the same voice saying to him, "Behold, your ship is ready."  He said he is going to escape to find the ship that God prepared for him to go home.  When he takes the sheep out to pasture tomorrow, he will leave.  As we said farewell tonight, tears sprung to my eyes.  My only connection to home and the only other Christ-follower here is leaving.  Even now the tears stream from my eyes.  I am once again, alone.

Patrick: A Changed Heart Part 2

If you missed the previous section: Patrick: A Changed Heart Part 1

Captured, 401 A.D.

     Yesterday Bretta informed me that her father has arranged for her betrothal to Thorontor, the son of a neighboring governor. A year from now she will be married. I was not very surprised, but I was a bit taken aback. One year is not long enough to prepare and we both have much work to do—her for her marriage and I for her aid through everything. Our daily routine has continued much the same as since I began my service to Bretta, but we have more of a purpose to our learning now that her marriage has been arranged. Still, she daily studies the scriptures with Potitus, carefully examining the scriptures and their message to her as a wife.
     Last night as we were preparing to sleep, Bretta told me that she is scared. She is scared to be leaving her familiar home. She is nervous about running her own house. She wants to be a godly wife to her future husband, but she is afraid to leave the protection of her father's household. After a year of serving my mistress, I was the one to encourage her. It was so different and strange not to be the one struggling and to be the one to help her. I was excited to be able to listen to her and pray with her. After we had talked and cried we lay down to sleep.
     As I lay on my cot in the corner of her room, she said to me, "Rhoswen, you've been more than a servant to me. You have become a dear friend and a great comfort to me in my time of need. I am thankful to God that you encourage me to keep trusting Him for all I need." I told her that her demonstration of Christ's love has brought me such encouragement many times when I felt dejected. After talking for a little while longer, we fell asleep.
     This morning Bretta and I began our day with smiles on our faces, refreshed and rejoicing in our newfound understanding. Yes, I still am Bretta's servant and she is my mistress, but we are friends. Our friendship is bound through our faith and hope in Christ. I was overjoyed knowing that I am not seen as just a servant in Bretta's eyes. After the morning worship and meal, Calpurnius and Concessa left to conclude the legal dealings with Thorontor. Bretta wished to spend the morning alone with Potitus. I was left alone for a little while and spent some time praying for Bretta and our future life, but after a short while went back to my work.

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     Five days ago, when I last wrote, everything was well at Calpurnius's villa. But that day such calamity fell. The disaster that befell our home brings anguish to my mind. My heart sinks just thinking of it.

     I had just gone out into the courtyard of the villa to gather up the day's washing, when I heard clanging swords and wild yells. Patricius ran into the courtyard in a panic and shouted for everyone to prepare for battle against the Irish raiders. All the men at the villa raced around preparing for a fight; all the women helped where they could, many also finding weapons to defend their home. I rushed to the chapel to look for Bretta and Potitus to warn them but they were nowhere to be found. I wondered if they were safe, but there was nothing I could do. Terror gripped me as I felt helpless and alone. I thought I should hide, but remembered the stories of the Irish raiders burning down whatever they left. I cried to God for protection for Bretta, Potitus, and all the ones defending the villa and gripped a staff I had found for protection.
     Our little group of men and women guarding the villa was no match for the strong band of Irish raiders. Everything happened so quickly. It was chaotic and terrifying. A few of our men were killed but most of us were taken hold of and bound, hands behind our backs and roped together in a long line. Our feet were bound so we could take only short steps. I was terrified, wondering what would become of us.
     Somehow I was next to Patricius when we were bound; he was behind me as we walked. I could tell he was angry, probably more because his pride was injured than for any other reason. My first thought when I saw him being bound was that this was my chance to retaliate against him. I could mock him and deride him just as he had done to me, but my conscience smote me against such an un-Christ-like attitude. I could not imagine being in his place—to be torn away from everything he knew and thrown into humiliating servitude. I prayed to God, appealing to Him for His strength that I might continue to show Patricius His love and that Patricius would not see me acting as though I were ridiculing him, but that he would see that I really do care for him.
     As we were marched down the beach, every step felt like a knife cutting into my wrists and ankles. The march was long and the pain was immense. When we reached the boats on the shore, they untied the ropes around our feet so that we would be able to climb into the boats waiting to take us away to slavery in Ireland. There were many others captured from nearby villages. As I looked around at their faces, I could see the fear and panic in their eyes. It wrenched my heart to see so many people in such anguish.
     The journey in the boats was long and tiresome. Patricius was seated next to me. I tried to speak to him to give him hope, but the raider guarding us yelled at us to be silent anytime I tried to talk. All I could do was talk to my Heavenly Father who I knew heard my pleas. I knew slavery must lie ahead, but I wondered how it would differ from the servitude I was used to. Would my new master be kind or harsh? Would I befriend anyone? Would there be anyone to encourage and comfort me when I needed that? All these thoughts churned in my mind as we were driven out of our home. 

     When we arrived on the shores of Ireland, our feet were bound once again and we were placed back in line. We started our torturous march to the center of the port village where we were thrown into dungeons to await the slave auction on the following day. I heard many of the prisoners weeping. I saw fathers and mothers striving to comfort their frightened children, husbands trying to reassure their wives, friends attempting to ease their friend's fears. It was a hopeless scene.
     That night I never slept. I thought of home and of Bretta; I thought of the courage and faith which she had always shown and I knew that if she were alive she would be fervently crying out to God for our safety. I spent the night in prayer to my Almighty God for all those in the dungeon. Though I was scared about what would happen in the coming days and most likely years, I thought of the scripture we had read just a few days ago about the faith of Abraham who left his homeland to follow God's promise, not even knowing to what land he was going. I remembered that God must have a purpose for these events and I could trust His goodness to prevail.
     The port village began to bustle at sunrise. All the prisoners were brought out and lined up behind the auction block, ready to be sold. Patricius and I were again next to each other in the line of soon-to-be-slaves.
     The auction began. The language they spoke sounded similar to our language but a little more rough and rustic. The prisoners were bought quickly and soon Patricius and I were the next ones brought onto the auction block. My sale was first and as I was thrust onto the block, I quietly prayed that God would protect me and Patricius. We were both bought by a man named Miliucc, whom I later found out is a local king. It was comforting to have a familiar face from home even though I would not have chosen to be in slavery with Patricius.
     We were taken back to his dwelling, a place two days inland from the sea. Miliucc's dwelling is a circular stronghold, which they call a Rath. The servants quarters are on the outer edge of the Rath in small lean-to's. After being shown our quarters we were told what would be our required tasks. Patricius is to be one of Miliucc's sheepherders. I am to be one of the cooks. I, along with two other women, must prepare the food for all the inhabitants of Miliucc's Rath.
     Miliucc is not harsh, but he is not pleasant to be around. I think of Bretta often and her kind treatment to me. But I trust that God has a plan for me in this foreign land, though I may never know why.

Patrick: A Changed Heart Part 1

Life in Bannaven Taburniae, 400 A.D.

     Today I began my work as maidservant to Bretta, daughter of Calpurnius. I woke early this morning extremely nervous to start my day of service! Growing up on Calpurnius's villa, I have seen that Bretta's character is one which is kind and caring. She makes friends easily with anyone and always acts in an admirable, generous way. Her brother, Patricius, however, is rude and unkind. He does not respect those around him and has often shown derision towards many of the servants. Fortunately though, I do not think I will have to spend a great deal of time with Patricius.
     Bretta was extremely patient with me today as I learned my daily tasks. I am to begin each morning at dawn by going to the well just outside the villa's walls and drawing a bucket of water for Bretta to wash her hands and face. It is so cold in the morning and waking at that time is difficult. My mother always has breakfast and a warm fire for our family before we all go to the villa. Everything is dark except the few spots of light from other cottages that dot the grounds on the villa. Thankfully, I am used to carrying the water pail from the well as I do it for our family nearly every day. For Bretta, I bring the water pail to the kitchen for the cooks to heat and then carry the warmed water to Bretta.
     After I wake her and she washes her hands and face, I then help her dress for the morning worship time led by her grandfather, the presbyter, Potitus. I greatly enjoyed the worship time. Potitus is such an amiable man, who cares for even the lowest of the servants on the villa. As the family entered the chapel, Potitus greeted each of the family members and all the servants with equal and genuine kindness. I felt welcomed and accepted through his wonderful example of Christ, serving all and encouraging everyone to follow the Lord.
     Following the family worship time is the morning meal. During this time I am to help with serving the prepared food and drink to the family, specifically to Bretta. I fear someday I will spill on her.

     Each day, Bretta and Patricius take a horse ride if the weather is fair. Patricius's manservant, Cyric and I attend them. As I have not had the training that Bretta and Patricius have had on horseback, Patricius mocked me almost the entire time we rode. I thought that Patricius was very harsh with me; I am not a bad rider, but I am just not as good as Bretta or Patricius. I will dread this time of the day unless the weather turns foul. Otherwise any day we ride I will expect to be continually insulted.
     I was glad to continue my other tasks that morning as long as I was not near Patricius. I helped Bretta as she learned her household duties and often I was learning how to complete the tasks right alongside her. She is expected to be prepared for marriage and I must be ready to aid her in whatever she needs. How anyone can be ready to run a household as the matron at such a young age, I don't understand. Nor do I understand how I can help! But as much as we have to learn, we have many to teach us and much encouragement from our mothers who both had to master what we are learning now.
     After the mid-day meal, Bretta and Patricius spend time learning the Scriptures from Potitus, who pours his heart and soul into teaching them by word and deed. Today they studied in the book of Hebrews, looking at this section:
"Wherefore, holy brethren, and partners of heavenly calling, behold ye the apostle and the bishop of our confession, Jesus, which is true to him that made him, as also Moses in all the house of him. But this bishop is had worthy of more glory than Moses, by as much as he hath more honour of the house, that made the house. For each house is made of some man; he that made all things of nought is God. And Moses was true in all his house, as a servant, into witnessing of those things that were to be said; but Christ as a son in his house. Which house we be, if we hold firm trust and glory of hope into the end. Wherefore as the Holy Ghost saith, To day, if ye have heard his voice, do not ye harden your hearts."     Bretta loves learning from the scriptures; she shows the love and kindness that Christ showed while here on earth. Patricius, though very intelligent, does not live what he learns.
When Potitus concluded teaching Bretta and Patricius, Bretta and I continued our household duties with her mother, Enica. After which, we prepared for supper and the evening family worship. Supper and the evening family worship are much the same for my responsibilities to Bretta as the morning meal and worship time.
There is so much I must remember to do throughout the day. I am exhausted but grateful to serve such a kind mistress. The light of our fire is getting low and I must rest for tomorrow.

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     Many weeks have gone by since I began my work for Bretta. I have finally learned our daily routine quite well (with only a few spills and mishaps!). Every day I learn more from Bretta and see the gracious compassion she shows to all. She is as sympathetic, kind, and patient a mistress as anyone could want.
     As far as Patricius, whom I see and interact with daily, he is as different from Bretta as could be. He is rude, arrogant, and domineering. He cares for no one but himself. Nothing will soften his heart, but I often hear Bretta make supplications to God for his heart to be won over to Him. I know she loves Patricius and wishes him to belong to Christ. Her example of love toward her brother has reminded me of my need to show him Christ's love despite the contempt he shows me. Bretta has encouraged me to pray for him when he is rude to me. But I find it hard to pray for and care for one who mocks me constantly, whatever I do. When Bretta and I are alone, she encourages me to love and forgive him as Christ loved and forgave those who mocked Him. And when I think of Christ and His suffering, mine becomes easier to bear.
As Christ gives me the energy to work through the day, I know He will give me strength to show His love to Patricius.  At times I wonder what good it will do.  But I do pray that Patricius will someday see Christ's love through his sister and grandfather (and perhaps even me) and that somehow Christ will change his life to a life of service to God.

The Inspiration of Flight

The sky lit up like a volcano erupting across the entire horizon. I watched from the safety of my plane, as the setting sun spilled its lava upon the clouds and mountains. As quickly as it came it went. The flowing volcanic lava stamped out by the simple daily orbit of the earth. As the sun bids farewell to this side of the earth, the lights of the world below me appear, driving the darkness away, bringing a spark of light to the night. While just around the bend of the earth's curve, my friends say hello to a fresh start, a new day. Are they ready to face another day? So many have discovered the hardships of life: anxiety, depression, stress, the pain of losing a loved one, or confusion in life direction. Mixed into that are the moments of joy: a friend that listens to understand, a completed project, a momentary relief of stress, a restored relationship, or a song that gives hope. My friends across the world, with my setting sun, I send my greetings and prayers for a beautiful new day full of God's peace and grace.

Your Grace to Live by Grace

Help me live in Your grace. Don't allow me to live with a debtor's mindset; that I have to obey because I need to live a life indebted to You. You have poured out Your grace on me and I'm free- please help me to live free. 

You didn't give me your grace freely only to make me pay it back. You gave me grace so I could dance through the days- freely rejoicing in each moment. But I can't do any of that without You pouring out even more grace to live by Your grace. 

Jesus, please give me the grace to rejoice. 

Give me the grace to dance.