One of the most difficult things for me in returning from overseas travel has been an apparent lack of interest from others in a life-changing event of my life. I believe this is more a lack of knowledge in how to relate and how to converse with someone who has gone through a different life experience than truly a lack of interest.
Perhaps I'm too selfish in wishing that everyone will want to know everything about the past week/semester/(insert-amount-of-time-here) that I have just experienced in my life. But people who rely heavily on experience, desire others to experience with them.
The most common response I have received when returning home from trips I have taken is: "Welcome back! How was it?" These 5 words are the most dreaded words I know that I will hear when I return and quite possibly are the worst moment of the whole trip from which I just returned.
Here's the thought process I go through when that question is asked: "How do I even answer that (I just went through a life-changing experience that I haven't fully processed yet)? What part do I talk about?" (Every day was packed with different events, emotions, people, stories!) Then the thought process begins to take a cynical turn. "How much do they really want to hear (The 4-word version, 4-minute version, 4-hour version, etc.)? Are they just asking out of courtesy or do they really care what I just experienced?"
Having gone on several trips overseas, this process has become quite familiar, and is never pleasant. I have been without many ideas on how to help others better understand the challenges of coming home (which often times does not feel like coming home anyways). Many thanks to my Mom and other friends who have listened to my angry monologues on this issue of not feeling understood or accepted on returning home.
I finally (after at least 5 years of this challenge) decided to process this disconnect and sat down to think about the ideal situation of the returning home scenario: What would I wish that others would ask me when returning home from a trip away from home?
So, to those who may just not know what to ask, here is a list of questions that I wish were common questions to ask others returning home to replace the "How was it?" question or at least continue the conversation.
- What are some of your best memories?
- Do you plan to go back? (or if you already know they will return, When do you plan to go back?)
- What makes you want to go back/What makes you not want to go back?
- Who were some of the people who impacted you the most?
- What did God teach you while you were there?
- How did you see God work?
- What did you learn about God?
- How are you going to apply the lessons you learned back here?
- How has this trip affected the rest of your life?
- How are you doing adjusting to being back in the States?
- What were some of the best things about being back there?
- Were you able to continue to grow previous relationships?
- What new friendships did you form?
- How was this trip compared to you last trip?
- Were there any difficulties you weren't expecting?
- Was it harder or easier to come back to the States this time?
Don't forget that they just went on a life-changing trip! That means they will be thinking about this for the rest of their life or at least a long time after. This can often be a lonely experience as they transition back to a "normal" life, missing the people, experiences, and places from which they just returned. Continue to ask questions in the weeks and months to follow as they are still processing their experience.
Lastly, everyone experiences things differently, so learn how to communicate with the people in your life according to their needs!
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