Patrick: A Changed Heart Part 1

Life in Bannaven Taburniae, 400 A.D.

     Today I began my work as maidservant to Bretta, daughter of Calpurnius. I woke early this morning extremely nervous to start my day of service! Growing up on Calpurnius's villa, I have seen that Bretta's character is one which is kind and caring. She makes friends easily with anyone and always acts in an admirable, generous way. Her brother, Patricius, however, is rude and unkind. He does not respect those around him and has often shown derision towards many of the servants. Fortunately though, I do not think I will have to spend a great deal of time with Patricius.
     Bretta was extremely patient with me today as I learned my daily tasks. I am to begin each morning at dawn by going to the well just outside the villa's walls and drawing a bucket of water for Bretta to wash her hands and face. It is so cold in the morning and waking at that time is difficult. My mother always has breakfast and a warm fire for our family before we all go to the villa. Everything is dark except the few spots of light from other cottages that dot the grounds on the villa. Thankfully, I am used to carrying the water pail from the well as I do it for our family nearly every day. For Bretta, I bring the water pail to the kitchen for the cooks to heat and then carry the warmed water to Bretta.
     After I wake her and she washes her hands and face, I then help her dress for the morning worship time led by her grandfather, the presbyter, Potitus. I greatly enjoyed the worship time. Potitus is such an amiable man, who cares for even the lowest of the servants on the villa. As the family entered the chapel, Potitus greeted each of the family members and all the servants with equal and genuine kindness. I felt welcomed and accepted through his wonderful example of Christ, serving all and encouraging everyone to follow the Lord.
     Following the family worship time is the morning meal. During this time I am to help with serving the prepared food and drink to the family, specifically to Bretta. I fear someday I will spill on her.

     Each day, Bretta and Patricius take a horse ride if the weather is fair. Patricius's manservant, Cyric and I attend them. As I have not had the training that Bretta and Patricius have had on horseback, Patricius mocked me almost the entire time we rode. I thought that Patricius was very harsh with me; I am not a bad rider, but I am just not as good as Bretta or Patricius. I will dread this time of the day unless the weather turns foul. Otherwise any day we ride I will expect to be continually insulted.
     I was glad to continue my other tasks that morning as long as I was not near Patricius. I helped Bretta as she learned her household duties and often I was learning how to complete the tasks right alongside her. She is expected to be prepared for marriage and I must be ready to aid her in whatever she needs. How anyone can be ready to run a household as the matron at such a young age, I don't understand. Nor do I understand how I can help! But as much as we have to learn, we have many to teach us and much encouragement from our mothers who both had to master what we are learning now.
     After the mid-day meal, Bretta and Patricius spend time learning the Scriptures from Potitus, who pours his heart and soul into teaching them by word and deed. Today they studied in the book of Hebrews, looking at this section:
"Wherefore, holy brethren, and partners of heavenly calling, behold ye the apostle and the bishop of our confession, Jesus, which is true to him that made him, as also Moses in all the house of him. But this bishop is had worthy of more glory than Moses, by as much as he hath more honour of the house, that made the house. For each house is made of some man; he that made all things of nought is God. And Moses was true in all his house, as a servant, into witnessing of those things that were to be said; but Christ as a son in his house. Which house we be, if we hold firm trust and glory of hope into the end. Wherefore as the Holy Ghost saith, To day, if ye have heard his voice, do not ye harden your hearts."     Bretta loves learning from the scriptures; she shows the love and kindness that Christ showed while here on earth. Patricius, though very intelligent, does not live what he learns.
When Potitus concluded teaching Bretta and Patricius, Bretta and I continued our household duties with her mother, Enica. After which, we prepared for supper and the evening family worship. Supper and the evening family worship are much the same for my responsibilities to Bretta as the morning meal and worship time.
There is so much I must remember to do throughout the day. I am exhausted but grateful to serve such a kind mistress. The light of our fire is getting low and I must rest for tomorrow.

------–—

     Many weeks have gone by since I began my work for Bretta. I have finally learned our daily routine quite well (with only a few spills and mishaps!). Every day I learn more from Bretta and see the gracious compassion she shows to all. She is as sympathetic, kind, and patient a mistress as anyone could want.
     As far as Patricius, whom I see and interact with daily, he is as different from Bretta as could be. He is rude, arrogant, and domineering. He cares for no one but himself. Nothing will soften his heart, but I often hear Bretta make supplications to God for his heart to be won over to Him. I know she loves Patricius and wishes him to belong to Christ. Her example of love toward her brother has reminded me of my need to show him Christ's love despite the contempt he shows me. Bretta has encouraged me to pray for him when he is rude to me. But I find it hard to pray for and care for one who mocks me constantly, whatever I do. When Bretta and I are alone, she encourages me to love and forgive him as Christ loved and forgave those who mocked Him. And when I think of Christ and His suffering, mine becomes easier to bear.
As Christ gives me the energy to work through the day, I know He will give me strength to show His love to Patricius.  At times I wonder what good it will do.  But I do pray that Patricius will someday see Christ's love through his sister and grandfather (and perhaps even me) and that somehow Christ will change his life to a life of service to God.

The Inspiration of Flight

The sky lit up like a volcano erupting across the entire horizon. I watched from the safety of my plane, as the setting sun spilled its lava upon the clouds and mountains. As quickly as it came it went. The flowing volcanic lava stamped out by the simple daily orbit of the earth. As the sun bids farewell to this side of the earth, the lights of the world below me appear, driving the darkness away, bringing a spark of light to the night. While just around the bend of the earth's curve, my friends say hello to a fresh start, a new day. Are they ready to face another day? So many have discovered the hardships of life: anxiety, depression, stress, the pain of losing a loved one, or confusion in life direction. Mixed into that are the moments of joy: a friend that listens to understand, a completed project, a momentary relief of stress, a restored relationship, or a song that gives hope. My friends across the world, with my setting sun, I send my greetings and prayers for a beautiful new day full of God's peace and grace.

Your Grace to Live by Grace

Help me live in Your grace. Don't allow me to live with a debtor's mindset; that I have to obey because I need to live a life indebted to You. You have poured out Your grace on me and I'm free- please help me to live free. 

You didn't give me your grace freely only to make me pay it back. You gave me grace so I could dance through the days- freely rejoicing in each moment. But I can't do any of that without You pouring out even more grace to live by Your grace. 

Jesus, please give me the grace to rejoice. 

Give me the grace to dance.

The Dark Days of Life

The days when there is no hope...

The days when doubt is pressing in on you...

The days when pain is crushing you...

The days when depression envelopes you...

The days when the darkness is so dark...

...Remember God loves you

...Remember God has showered you with His mercy

...Remember God keeps His promises

...Remember God covers you with His grace

...Remember God will see you through in His time

...Remember God surrounds you with His comfort

Following God

He doesn't make us follow- He asks us to.

He tells us He is good and asks us to obey His good commands. 

He frees us and then says, "Would you like to follow me? I'll love you and guide you if you'd like to follow me."

Satan will fight you your whole life. 

He'll try to lure you, convince you that being free is not good, that bondage is better, that life is not meant to be full of joy and freedom. 

But God keeps coming back saying, "You're free, I love you."

Where is Home? -- A Wanderer's Eye

Home is a place. 

Home is where people you love live. 

Home is not only one place. 

Home is not necessarily stationary. 

Home is not necessarily where you live now. 

Home is a safe place. 

Home is a place of rest. 

Home can be a place you live for a day, a week, a month, a year, or many years.

Home is a place you love. 

The Choice of Humility Part 2

If you missed part 1:  The Choice of Humility Part 1

     I spent much of my time with the other servants of Jonathan when I was not in his company. During that time, I would question the other servants about their knowledge of David. After talking to many of the servants, I discovered the most likely place David would have gone was to seek refuge with the prophet Samuel at Naioth in Ramah. I went immediately to my king and reported, "Behold, David is at Naioth in Ramah."

     Right away King Saul sent a company of messengers to capture David. I never heard what happened to those servants of my king; I assumed that they must have found and captured David. But the next day, while I was waiting on Jonathan, David appeared before Jonathan in his house! David questioned Jonathan with concern, "What have I done? What is my guilt? And what is my sin before your father, that he seeks my life? Truly, as the Lord lives and as your soul lives, there is but a step between me and death.” 

     Jonathan, who did not seem at all surprised at David's coming, but was distressed by his anger, lovingly answered him, "Far from it! If I knew that it was determined by my father that harm should come to you, would I not tell you? Whatever you say, I will do for you!" Then Jonathan looked at me and said to David, "Come, let us go out into the field."
     I followed at a distance keeping myself hidden from his sight. He went out of the city toward the fields. I could not get close enough without being seen to hear what they said.
     As I sat there watching Jonathan and David talking, I recognized what I just witnessed was an amazing act of Yahweh. Remembering all the things Jonathan had told me about the character of David, I recalled what I heard with bitterness a few weeks before. Jonathan had told me that Yahweh had rejected Saul and his line as kings because of Saul's disobedience to Yahweh and chosen someone else to be king over His people. That person was David. I know now that Yahweh was using Jonathan's trust in Him to protect His anointed one. I realized my foolishness in trying to destroy this man's life.
     I turned and went back to the city; no longer could I report to King Saul to disclose to him what I knew about David. Now I could not bring information to the king so that he could harm the one Yahweh had chosen. As I went about my duties the rest of the day I thought of the selflessness and humility of Jonathan. He had seen Yahweh's choice and did not oppose it but rather submitted to Yahweh by loyally dedicating his life to his friend, Yahweh's chosen king, David.
     The next day was the feast of the new moon. I was terrified again, as I was when I plotted against David with Saul. But I was not terrified because of my guilt; I was terrified for David's sake. Saul would surely try to kill him; I knew the king's character. To my relief, when I came in to attend Jonathan, David was not there. I rejoiced that the king would have no chance to harm David today. But the feast was three days long. Surely David would be there the next night. If David was not at the feast, the king would suspect something. The king said nothing about David during the feast. The next day, I again entered terrified; David was not there again. I now feared for Jonathan, blame would come on him. King Saul inquired of Jonathan why David was not there. Jonathan explained that David had requested leave because of a certain sacrifice his clan held at this time. I could see the murderous anger of King Saul about to burst forth.
     Jonathan could too, so he asked his father, "Why should David be put to death? What has he done?" I saw the king reaching for something but could not tell what. Then I saw the swift flight of a spear flying toward Jonathan. The spear missed him and struck firm into the wall. Jonathan rose. I could see the pain in his eyes; he saw the pride of his father, pursuing a kingdom he was no longer called to be king over—Saul, rejected by Yahweh and refusing His authority. Jonathan turned and left the banquet hall. I could not stay in the hall hearing the anger of the king against his son and against the chosen one of Yahweh.
     I followed Jonathan. When he saw me, he called me to himself and asked me to come gather his arrows while he practiced his archery. Why did he need to practice his archery now? I thought perhaps he just needed to do something to calm his outrage. We went out of the city toward the stone heap in the fields where he and David had met only two days earlier. He shot toward it, but I did not see where his arrows landed. I went out to look for them and he directed me. "Look! They are beyond you. Find them then go back to the city." I was surprised at this, that he would send me away so soon, but I could see he was upset and thought he needed time to calm his anger. I found the arrows and returned to Jonathan to collect his bow and quiver from him and then returned to the city as he commanded.
     From that time on King Saul was in constant pursuit of David whom he had heard fled to the wilderness. Being in the service of Jonathan I never went on the raids. I am grateful that I am no longer in the service of one who would force me to go on raids against the one whom Yahweh had chosen.
     Since that feast we have only had one opportunity to assist David. David was camped in the wilderness of Ziph at Horesh when Jonathan went to encourage David. Jonathan reassured David, “Do not fear, for the hand of Saul my father will not find you. You will be king over Israel.” Because the king was coming to attack David, we could only spend a short time strengthening David and his men. Jonathan is still loyally devoted to serving Yahweh's chosen.
     It has been years since I entered service with King Saul and Jonathan. Years since I saw Yahweh's plan for Israel's king. We only have heard rumors that David lives among the Philistines. And today we are encamped on at Mount Gilboa. The battle lines are drawn against the Philistines. Only Yahweh knows what the outcome of this battle will be. Whether we will win the battle or not, I don't know. But I must write this record of how Yahweh has used Jonathan to teach me obedience, trust, selflessness, and humility.

Based on the biblical account in 1 Samuel 18-31.