Away

You're so far away. 

What is happening? 

My hometown is being attacked, 

it's burning

And I'm away. 

I've walked through that building, 

My friends love that place, 

And now…

And now a place of heartbreak and terror.

My friends are hurting

And I'm away. 

But it doesn't end there,

Not a day has gone by, 

the grief hasn't even really begun, 

it's all shock and horror.

While my home gathers to mourn

I'm away. 

Then the flames begin and engulf my city in fire

"Mum? Dad? Are you ok?"

"We're packing now, do you need anything?"

What is this madness?

My family, my home, my childhood…

And I'm away.

Helpless… waiting…

Waiting… 

I'm watching the flames, 

I'm seeing reporters on my streets

I've driven there. 

There… that one, that's the backway home

There… that one, that's where my family goes on our walks

There… that one, that one's my home. 

It's safe. 

But I'm away. 

What's better to be there and endure this? 

Or to be away and watch and wait?

I'm away.

But I'm right there. 

I'm on my street. 

I'm hurting with all of you. 

I'm scared with all of you. 

I'm crying with all of you. 

I miss all of you.

The Pain of the Path (Rest in Me)

I see the road ahead of me
Far, far in the distance, a palace shining bright
But I have taken my eyes off the road in front of me
A rock has tripped me
And I fall, scraping my knee.

I cry out, "Why am I here now?"
"Why didn't you smooth the path?"
I feel the support of a hand lifting me up,
An encouraging voice saying, "Take my hand, I am with you."
I ask, "May I rest?"
But my companion leads me to a hill and says "Rest in me"
"Will I never have relief?"
I hear again, "Rest in me."
How can I rest when there is a hill to walk up?

I push forward
He must think I can climb this hill if He brought me here
I can't rest now, there is work to be done
It becomes harder and harder
And I stop part way up the hill.

I cry out, "Why am I here now?"
"Why did you bring me to this hill?"
I see a clear stream of water just next to me that I missed before
And my companion says, "Drink deeply, I will give you life"
I ask, "May I rest?"
But a storm is coming, and my guide says, "Rest in me"
"I must find shelter!"
All I hear is, "Rest in me."
How can I rest when there is a storm coming?

I run, looking for cover, some shelter
There must be a place to hide from the storm He sent
As the rain begins to pour down,
I feel the water soaking through my clothes and into my skin

I cry out, "Why am I here now?"
"Why would you send a storm and no shelter?"
But I feel a hand take mine to guide me
Ahead is a cleft in a rock, out of the rain
And my helper says, "Take refuge here, I am your strength."
I ask, "May I rest?"
The storm is clearing and the sun blazes forth, I hear again, "Rest in me"

I set off to bask in the sun's rays, thinking that all was well now
But the sun begins to beat down, the heat makes me dizzy.
Searching for shade, I stumble on
He must think I am strong to have sent the sun in full force
But I can't keep going.
I cry out in a feeble voice, "Help me."
I sink down, falling to the ground, but the ground never comes.
I feel my comforter's arms around me
And He says, "Rest in me."

Perhaps, it's the rocks in the path that keep making you stumble and you seek a walking stick to steady you
Perhaps, the hill has been the hardest for you to conquer and you seek the hope of the peak
Perhaps, the storm has beat you down and you seek the shelter that will protect
Perhaps, it's the heat of the sun that has exhausted you and you seek relief in the shade of a tree.

But the help that comes is not as I expect.
It comes as a the constant voice saying, "Rest in me."
He was with me on the path, up the hill, through the storm, and under the sun.
He gave the hand to steady, the stream to encourage, and the cleft to hide in
But I never asked for Him to carry me.

Coming Home: The Questions I Wish I Had Been Asked

One of the most difficult things for me in returning from overseas travel has been an apparent lack of interest from others in a life-changing event of my life. I believe this is more a lack of knowledge in how to relate and how to converse with someone who has gone through a different life experience than truly a lack of interest.

Perhaps I'm too selfish in wishing that everyone will want to know everything about the past week/semester/(insert-amount-of-time-here) that I have just experienced in my life. But people who rely heavily on experience, desire others to experience with them.

The most common response I have received when returning home from trips I have taken is: "Welcome back! How was it?" These 5 words are the most dreaded words I know that I will hear when I return and quite possibly are the worst moment of the whole trip from which I just returned.
Here's the thought process I go through when that question is asked: "How do I even answer that (I just went through a life-changing experience that I haven't fully processed yet)? What part do I talk about?" (Every day was packed with different events, emotions, people, stories!) Then the thought process begins to take a cynical turn. "How much do they really want to hear (The 4-word version, 4-minute version, 4-hour version, etc.)? Are they just asking out of courtesy or do they really care what I just experienced?"

Having gone on several trips overseas, this process has become quite familiar, and is never pleasant. I have been without many ideas on how to help others better understand the challenges of coming home (which often times does not feel like coming home anyways). Many thanks to my Mom and other friends who have listened to my angry monologues on this issue of not feeling understood or accepted on returning home.

I finally (after at least 5 years of this challenge) decided to process this disconnect and sat down to think about the ideal situation of the returning home scenario: What would I wish that others would ask me when returning home from a trip away from home?

So, to those who may just not know what to ask, here is a list of questions that I wish were common questions to ask others returning home to replace the "How was it?" question or at least continue the conversation.

• What are some of your best memories?
• Do you plan to go back? (or if you already know they will return, When do you plan to go back?)
• What makes you want to go back/What makes you not want to go back?
• Who were some of the people who impacted you the most?
• What did God teach you while you were there?
• How did you see God work?
• What did you learn about God?
• How are you going to apply the lessons you learned back here?
• How has this trip affected the rest of your life?
• How are you doing adjusting to being back in the States?

If this is their second time or more to the same place:

• What were some of the best things about being back there?
• Were you able to continue to grow previous relationships?
• What new friendships did you form?
• How was this trip compared to you last trip?
• Were there any difficulties you weren't expecting?
• Was it harder or easier to come back to the States this time?

Don't forget that they just went on a life-changing trip! That means they will be thinking about this for the rest of their life or at least a long time after. This can often be a lonely experience as they transition back to a "normal" life, missing the people, experiences, and places from which they just returned. Continue to ask questions in the weeks and months to follow as they are still processing their experience.

Lastly, everyone experiences things differently, so learn how to communicate with the people in your life according to their needs!

To My Brothers and Sisters

November 6 was the International Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church. Remember those who are being persecuted for their faith!


You don't know me. I don't know you. But you are there and I am here. We are real.
Your life is full of pain, fear, persecution. Mine the very opposite.
But we are bound- across the land, across the cultures, across the languages. Bound through Christ- by His love, grace, mercy, and peace.
I don't know your name- but I know you exist. You don't know my name- but you know I exist. We can't forget about each other. We need each other. You need my prayers- I need yours. We need strength, strength to see God in all, strength to live each day for Him.
My brothers and sisters, may God protect you, guide you, and strengthen you. And may I never forget you.

Doubt

It hit again today.
It completely undid me.
It brought me down, knocked me out.
It punched me in the gut and kicked my feet out from under me.
It took away my confidence and strength.
It brought me to the end of myself.
It told me I'm not good enough.

I found that I can't live this life on my own again.
But that's a good thing. Even if it's the hardest lesson that I have to keep relearning.
Again. And again. And again.

Will it end?
I don't know.
The enemy knows what cracks to break into. He knows what lies to tell me.

So how do I move forward from being crippled again?
The only way I can.
Jesus.
He's told me He loves me.
He's told me He won for me.
I don't have to fight.
Jesus fought for me.
Even better He won for me.

So now?
Come back to Him. Again.
Depend on Him. Again.
Let Him fight for me. Again.
Let Him love me. Again.
Let Him carry me. Again.

Heaven on Earth

Rooted in the earth beneath,

Pointing to the heavens above,

House of worship, 

House of prayer. 

Your glory, O Lord,

Your glory, reaches us here. 

Here we find You. 

Here we find hope. 

Here we find faith. 

Here we find love. 

You find us here. 

You reach us here. 

We come broken, 

but You heal us. 

We come in pain, 

but You bring peace.

We come untrusting, 

but You give us Your steadfast word. 

We come wanting,

and You give Yourself. 

You fill us and make us new. 

You love us and keep loving. 

You forgive us and forgive fully. 

You show us Your beauty, 

and simply say, "Come, follow Me."

You root us in heaven above

and point us back to the earth beneath. 

"Be a people of worship,

and a rock of prayer. 

Show My glory to others.

Offer hope.

Share faith.

Show love.

Find others that need Me. 

Show them your broken life, 

but My healing touch. 

Show them your pain, 

but My hand of peace. 

Show them your doubt, 

but My faithful promises. 

Give them what they want most, Me. 

Bring heaven to earth for them. "

Restful

Green blurs past me,

As trees and brambles

Glide beside me. 

The train speeds up, 

It rocks me back and forth,

My eyes begin to close. 

As the sun smiles through the clouds,

It blankets me in its warmth,

And I am now asleep.